What Does Beauty Mean?

In a subculture of the world where physical beauty is idolized when you are thin, regular girls don't stand a chance. I know that I am by no means athletic or within the "acceptable" range of weight for my height, but I consider myself to be moderately healthy. I could watch my eating habits better and get more exercise, but that is something that is a work in progress for me. It's not going to happen overnight, nor is my weight loss. But in a society where thin is beautiful, it's damn near impossible for a girl like me to fit in and feel adequate in this world. For the vast majority of my life, I have been told by society that I must be a size 0-6 to be accepted as beautiful. What I didn't realize at my younger ages is that very few women actually fit into this standard. Most women, particularly those who are not in Hollywood or anywhere near that business, are actually around size 8-12. That was a relief to me in some ways, but still hindering me from accepting myself as I am now in the size pants that I wear. I keep telling myself that I will go on a diet and then I stick with them for all of 2 or 3 weeks at most before getting off track and gaining more weight. It has gotten to the point where I am ballooning out of control. And all of this feeds into the idea that I am not beautiful.

My question is...what is true beauty? Yes, there is physical beauty and that is one version of it, but the true beauty of a person is what lies within their hearts and minds. God gave us all a body, but He also gave us hearts and minds to share with other people. I think the true measure of beauty lies within that of a person's heart. Women should not be treated as sex objects, simply looked at and valued for their physical beauty. Instead, they should be admired and revered for their intelligence and their loving/caring hearts. The same is said for men. Women idolize the men who are cut and beautiful while ignoring the guys who don't have the six-packs. (I am guilty of this myself) But a man's worth should not be derived from his looks either, but instead his heart and how he cares for others in his life and even strangers. I have seen men who are not the usual "good looking" guys go unnoticed because they aren't as attractive as the other guys. Why are we programmed this way? Is it a matter of how we were raised or conditioned to be from birth? Or is it a matter of personal preference to chose the "prettier" people. Either way, it is not the message that we should be sending to our children and the next generation. Beauty is not just physical!

So Tired of the Pressure

Anyone who goes to my school can tell you that there is this immense pressure to find "the one" and get married during your 4 years of college. But what if you don't find that person? What if the person you're meant to be with isn't here, but waiting for you in the town that you will move to in order to start your career? There is this huge disparity between the girls in my college that are engaged or dating someone seriously and those of us who choose to remain single because either we want to focus on school, there isn't a guy here we're interested in, or we're tired of being treated like we're only good to find marriage because we go to a Christian university. I'm sorry, but I am not paying over 80,000 dollars in tuition for 4 years to find a husband. While it might be nice, I'm not interested in it right now. I want to finish my education and become something before I think about settling down. I do admit that God has different plans for different people and He puts those purposes on our hearts while we're in school, but my heart has been put in the direction of helping others. I was given a caring and loving heart to help those in need who need someone to understand and give them guidance. That is what I believe my purpose in life is and I won't detour from that because I'm "expected" to find my life mate by the age of 23. (The national average for marriage is actually higher than this, might I add.)

Recently I had a guy show some interest in me and I indulged and went on a date with him to see what would happen. But during our conversations, I saw how different our beliefs were. And I know that people have different beliefs all the time, but our religious beliefs were so different that it would have caused conflict. Plus, God willing, I will be in a different town in a little under 3 months. I don't want to start something to make it long distance after only 3 months, even if he said that he is willing to do it. What if I'm not? I'm the kind of person that I need to have that person in the same town as me? I just don't think it's fair to either one of us for that to happen so soon into a relationship. But that is neither here nor there. I want someone that has similar beliefs to my own.  And yes, I might have presumptuously cut off what was growing there, but better to do that than lead someone on. I am willing to be friends with him if he is willing to accept that I just don't want to be in a relationship with him. Part of me believes that everything happens for a reason, so this could be a little stepping stone to something else that God is preparing me for. Before now, I was too scared to even really go out on a date. But now I have a little more confidence, which will be handy later when things are going in that direction again with someone else. I just believe that I shouldn't be pressured to find someone before I get "too old" to get married. Hello...my idol didn't get married til she was 33. I think I'm okay at just 23 right now.