Hope For The Hopeless

“When do you throw in the towel? Admit that a lost cause is something just that? There comes a point where it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore. So we give up. That’s when the real work begins. To find hope where there seems to be absolutely none at all.” -- Grey's Anatomy


This is how I've felt for the past couple of days. Sunday afternoon, I finally ended one of the most toxic friendships I have ever been through in my life. Five years of emotional abuse has come to an end after I finally put my foot down and said no. It wasn't easy, but it was something that I had to do to regain the self-respect that I had thought I lost when this guy decided that he wanted to string me along for years while he dated another girl, got engaged to said girl, and then the relationship ended when she cheated on him. I said friendship, but he was always pushing me for more, even if we live five hours from one another and he is in the Armed Forces while I'm about to start graduate school in another town. The breaking point came when he asked me if I would ever have sex with him...over a text message. Who the hell does that?

That was the breaking point for me in which I decided that I was no longer going to put up with his mind games and toying around with my heart. I put my foot down a few days later, after mulling it over, and told him not to ever contact me again. This, of course, set him off and made him leave a string of voice-mail and text messages telling me that I was the one trampling over his feelings. Well I suddenly let loose on him and really let him know what I thought of him and how he's treated me over the past five years. At the end of it, I deleted his number from my phone and his friendship from my Facebook. But the thing that hit me the most is that I have essentially deleted the only guy I've ever had real feelings for that reciprocated them in any fashion. Where does that leave me romantically? I guess it's saying that I'm single and unattached to anyone now. But that doesn't give me hope for the future and not being single. I just want to find that person, like everyone else does, that makes me feel happy and loves me for who I am. And who I love in return. But I guess hope is where you least expect it. I move in five months to a new town with new people...who knows, maybe my prince will be waiting there for me.