Falling Apart And Together

“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”--Finnick Odair (Mockingjay)

I'm very quickly realizing how true that this quote is and how relevant it is to my life. In the past week, I went from being okay to totally not okay. Wednesday was an awful day for me and I knew that something was going to go wrong...I just knew it would. I had this feeling when I woke up like by the end of the day, I would lose something important to me...and I did. Well, I'm not sure if I've lost it yet, but I feel like I have. Because of some really stupid circumstances, I might lose the only job I've been fortunate to have in the last three years. What scares me most is that I won't know until Tuesday if I still have my job or not because my boss is out of town until then and he wanted to take the weekend to decide whether or not to fire me. Regardless, it's really messed up. I've been preparing my back up plan in case I do lose my job and applying at many places, but it still doesn't easy the anxiety that I have that this time next week, I will likely be unemployed. But you know what they say, hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

In all of this, I've been thinking about the last time I truly fell apart. That was my junior year of high school, when I had reached the lowest point I could go before I finally started seeing the light again. It has taken me six years and a lot of painful times to overcome what I've gone through and put myself back together. But I have come back together in many ways. Yet, this job loss threatens to push me back to falling apart and I don't want to let it. Because the extenuating circumstances that are causing me to likely lose my job are not necessarily my fault. I do accept some of the blame because part of it was my fault for not being on the ball about some things, but some of it was pure accidental coincidence. If my boss does decide to fire me...I will hold my head high and still carry on with the knowledge that he is losing one of the better fundraisers at the center. I won't let it tear me down and I will find another job to fill in until I move to San Angelo in the fall. Even if I have to apply every single place in the city that I can find.