Dreaming, Hoping, & Wishing

"It’s the oldest story in the world; One day you’re 17 and planning for someday and then quietly, and without you ever really noticing, someday is today, and then someday is yesterday. And this is your life. We spend so much time wanting, pursuing, wishing. But ambition is good. Chasing things with integrity is good. Dreaming. If you had a friend you knew you’d never see again, what would you say? If you could do one last thing for someone you love, what would it be? Say it. Do it. Don’t wait. Nothing lasts forever. Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want. Everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from. The next memory. The next smile. The next wish come true. But if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it, you just might get the thing you’re wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart." -- One Tree Hill

For a long time, I believed that wishes were stupid because they could never come true. It was folly to wish upon stars because those stars couldn't grant those wishes no matter how hard or often we wished upon them. They were just big balls of gas in the sky that were burning millions of miles away with no human qualities or capabilities to grant wishes. But that's just the informed scientist talking in me. My inner child thinks differently though. It still believes in magic and wishing on stars because somehow stars became the symbol for hope and for wishing the impossible. That and 11:11pm. But what do we wish for now that childhood is slipping away and giving into adulthood? As a teenager, I just wished for a normal life...one uninhibited by the drama of my family where I could be myself and not feel threatened. Through college, I was given that life. Now, my dreams are changing into something a little different as I've grown older and spent some time out in the world.

 In One Tree Hill, there is a character named Brooke Davis that I relate to more than any other character in the series. In high school, she was the shallow and catty cheerleader that was the life of every party, slept with all the boys, and got whatever she wanted. But underneath all of that, she was an insecure teenager dealing with the rejection of her parents who would rather give her money than spend time with their daughter. Brooke kept people at arm's length out of fear that they too would run away from her and reject her, which created a lack of bonds with those closest to her. While I may not have been the popular cheerleader that slept with guys all through high school, I was still the same insecure girl that Brooke Davis was. But over time, she blossomed into a beautiful young woman who headed up a multi-million dollar clothing company by the age of twenty-two. Yet, she still didn't have the satisfaction she had wanted all along because though she was spending time with her mother, it still didn't give her the bond she had longed for all of her life. What Brooke craved more than anything was a family. One that she could call her own without having to design a clothing line to get them to notice her. The first step in that direction came when she met Julian Baker, a sweet talking film producer from Los Angeles that came to Tree Hill to produce a movie. Little did she know that he would become the man to make her believe in love again.

In the end, Brooke finally found the peace and family life she had longed for, which brings me to my point. I guess you could say that what I'm wishing for now is to find my Julian, my other half. One Tree Hill is a show of many lessons for me, including chasing the opportunities that we're given. I've been given the opportunity to continue my education and make something of myself in the future, just as Brooke was given that through her clothing line. But my Julian has yet to present himself in my life...at least that I can see. What I wish for most is to have a family. That has been a wish in my heart since I was sixteen. My deepest desire is to be someone's wife and a mother. I want to hold a newborn baby in my arms and know that I made that human being or that I adopted him or her. I hold that wish closest to my heart and constantly fear that I will never be a wife or mom. But I know that I have to keep holding onto it and fight for it in the future, no matter what happens.