“What happened to us? You know? I don’t know who I am anymore. Or how I got here. I miss who I used to be. I wanna have a home again, you know? And real friends. You know, the kind of friendships we used to believe in. I miss that. And I miss you. I guess I miss all of it. Does any of that make any sense?”  --Peyton Sawyer (One Tree Hill)

Growing up is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you realize that things are no longer what you thought they once were. These can be relationships, jobs, or even part of yourself. In the past two years, I have watched some of my closest friendships decline to something I don't really recognize anymore...something that breaks my heart because friendships mean the world to me. These are the friends that once saved my life...and now we rarely speak. I have been pushed to realize that the friends I once held so near and dear to my heart...just aren't there anymore. Who's to blame though? Is it really one side or the others' fault? Or are we just victims of becoming adults? I never once intended for friendship to be ephemeral. I wanted these friendships to be life long, but it is at a point in our lives where I honestly don't know what will become of us. My heart aches to know that everything will be alright and that they won't forget what I still know...and that is that no matter what has been said (or not said) or done, they are still the best friends I've ever had.

We've all been growing up, but in that growing up, we have forgotten how to communicate with one another. I go weeks without hearing from them unless I actively make an effort to talk, which is really hurting me. I have tried to reach out, only to find that the harder I try, the more I feel like people pull away from me and push me out. Is it something I did? Or didn't do? I honestly don't know, but I feel so lost in all of this. I guess the point is that, I just miss my friends.