I Want Crazy

“The problem is we’re human. We want more than just to survive. We want love.”-Lexie Grey

At the root of all human emotions is the desire to feel wanted...to feel loved. Be it from family, friends, or a significant other, no one wants to be alone or feel alone because we were made to be social creatures. I saw this photo and short story on the internet that said, “According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate beings condemning them to spend their lives in search for their other halves.” It was a profound thought to me because in some sense, it's true. We spend our entire lives searching for the other person that completes us. And most people think that the person they're looking for will be perfection, but that simply isn't the case...we're all human, so none of us are perfect. But if you're looking for that imperfect person that will see you perfectly and you the same for that person, then you're on the right track.

Society has permeated this belief that all relationships will be perfect through media and movies, but in reality...no relationship is perfect. They have flaws and people are going to mess up. If you know me fairly well, which most who actually read this blog do, then you'll know that the relationship I long to have is something like Lexie Grey and Mark Sloan. Yes, I'm using a television reference, but bare with me as I explain. For those who don't watch Grey's Anatomy, the easiest way to explain their relationship is this: Mark was a manwhore that fell in love with Lexie, the little sister of his best friend's future wife, who was 14 years his junior. There were a lot of complications with their relationship, including his 18 year old daughter he didn't know he had showing up pregnant and then the mistake he made in getting his best friend pregnant while he and Lexie were broken up. (I'm simplifying a lot of this for reasons.) But despite ALL of that, they still loved each other because they were meant to be.

"I love you. Oh God... Oh, my God, that just came flying out of my face. I love you. I just...I did it again. I love you. I do. I just, I love you. And I have been trying not to say it. I have been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it and… Jackson is a great guy. He is. He’s gorgeous and he’s younger than you, he doesn’t have any grandkids, or babies with his lesbian BFFs, and he’s an Avery, and he liked me, you know? He really liked me. But it was never gonna work out, because I love you. I am so in love with you. You’re in me. You’re like— it’s like you’re a disease. It’s like I am infected by Mark Sloan and I just can’t think about anything or anybody and I can’t sleep. I can’t breathe. I can’t eat. And I love you. I love you all the time. Every minute of every day. I love you. God, that feels good to just say that. I feel so much better. I love you." -Lexie Grey

This is the kind of love I want. To have someone that makes me love them so much that I get frustrated and mad at them, but also love them at the same time. I want a love that is all consuming and makes me able to forgive their flaws and their mistakes because they would forgive mine. All I have ever wanted was to love someone so much that I can't imagine my life without him. He doesn't have to be perfect because God knows that no one is...but if he is perfect in my eyes, flaws and all, that is what matters. Not once have I ever wanted an easy relationship...and I don't think I ever will. Because we're human...and humans are complex creatures.