Loss

The range of emotions I have felt in the last week have really put me through the ringer. For what feels like the millionth time in the last year, I am close to losing another person I love. My Papa, who has been in my life since the day I was born, had a stroke last Sunday. And though the doctors have tried their hardest, he isn't responding well to any of the rehabilitation treatment that they have been trying. In addition to the stroke, he's had underlying health issues including a heart condition and the fact that his liver is shot because of the abuse of alcohol for more than fifty years. That, coupled with his stubbornness and desire to not be in a hospital, have lead them to believe he will not benefit from any treatment they can give him. Because of this, they are transferring him to a nursing care facility for 30 days to see if he can improve outside of a hospital. And if not, they will be setting up home hospice care.

After going through losing a grandparent in August of last year, this is something that hurts so much for me. This is the Papa that I have lived with for almost four years, off and on, and has taken care of me time and time again. My Memaw is beside herself and broke down earlier, which I have never seen her do before. The only other time I've seen her cry was when my Memaw Bernice, her mother, passed away in 2008, so this is so hard on all of us. It seems like I've lost so many people I love lately and that...is just painful for me. My Memaw Bernice in 2008, Great-Grandma in 2009, Grandma in 2010, Lisa's dad last July, and then Nana Connie in August. And now I'm facing losing my Papa, which I understood was a possibility because of his stroke and health, but it just...doesn't seem fathomable. My Papa is a Marine through and through and perhaps the most stubborn person I know on this earth, so him succumbing to health problems just doesn't compute for me. It reminds me of how precious time with family and loved ones truly is.