For The Love of A Daughter

It's been 5 years, since we've spoken last,
And you can't take back what we never had.
I can be manipulated only so many times.
Before even "I love you" starts to sound like a lie.

“For The Love of a Daughter” by Demi Lovato has touched me in a way that no other song has ever done. I relate to it more than any other song that has ever come out about a father/daughter relationship…or lack thereof. Like the song, it’s been 5 years since I’ve spoken to my biological father and it still hurts me to know that he never wanted me. He never wanted a daughter and he never wanted me, even though I tried to be the best daughter I could be with perfect grades. But that wasn’t good enough. I was abused, verbally accosted, and emotionally battered before it was all said and done. And then he did the worst thing a person could do. He chose to be a sexual offender, which completely ruined our family when I was 16. Now he’s in prison and we haven’t spoken willingly since I was 18 because I don’t want to associate myself with a criminal. He never wanted to be my father, so he got his wish. All I have ever wanted was a dad, but he never wanted to step up and be the one I needed. Like Demi, I have a step-father who has stepped up to the plate and been that dad for me since I was 19. But it doesn’t dull the pain completely of not having my biological father be the man he should have been all along.

Something that hurts even more is the fact that none of my friends that I see everyday understand what it feels like to be unwanted by a parent. Not many of them have experienced the pain of a horrible divorce or watching their lives fall apart before their eyes without anything they could do about it. They don't really realize how much it still effects me even today, at 23 years old, and how much I cry on days that are supposed to mean something...like Father's Day. My emotions are so conflicting sometimes because the only thing I have ever wanted was to wake up from the nightmare that I lived during my teenage years. I wanted to wake up and for things to be normal. To have a father who loved me and wanted me . Instead, I was given one who didn't want a daughter. The most precious gift in the world is supposed to be a child, but instead I was a nuisance to him. An inconvenience that he only supported because he had to. Now I'm something to be proud of and he is the embarrassment.

For The Love of A Daughter - Demi Lovato